QUOTES FOR GOOD FRIENDS OR PARTNERS

Don't try so hard looking for perfect partners or friends. Instead, be with people who knows how blessed they are when they have you.

GO BACK TO PAST

Grandpa: What if we will go back on time we were still young?

Grandma: Sure. It's a good idea.

Grandpa: OK. Tomorrow, let's meet. Same time and same place.

Grandma: Got it. Please wait for me there.

The following day, Grandpa did waited at their meeting place. He brought 3 red roses and some chocolates. But it's almost sunset and Grandma didn't came at all. When he got home,

Grandpa: Why didn't you came? I waited for you all day long and no one came even just your shadow?

Grandma:Mom and Dad didn't allowed me to go outside the house. I'm so sorry.

QUOTE ABOUT IMAGINATIONS

Be ware of your imaginations. It can drag you to hell.

YOUR WORTH

As I look back my past, I've seen it's worth as nothing without you.

DIARY OF INDAY

It was a very gloomy and rainy day. I was walking alone sad, depressed and desperate. I wanted to close my eyes until a good looking guy came and shared his umbrella. 


I was touched because that was the first time that someone had done that to me even if he doesn't know me. With a teary-eyes, I looked at his face and said, "Thank you".


With a low voice, he softly replied, "Don't move. Give me you bag." 

MARRYING AFTER THE GRADUATION

BOY: I'll marry you right after our graduation.


GIRL: What if I won't make it? Let's just say I can't graduate.


BOY: If you can't graduate? Then I'll look for another one. hehehehe. I'm just kidding.


The graduation day came and the boy didn't graduated.


BOY: Congratulations, Sorry I screwed up during the final examination. I failed. Now, I can't graduate. ( on his hand a ring )


GIRL: Then? I thought you were so bright because you're talking big things to me before. But now I know that you're so stupid that you got a very low grade not even reaching the passing score from our final exam.


The boy got ashamed and just face the ground.


BOY: OK. I'll accept all your discrimination. But will you still marry me?


GIRL: Of course NOT! I don't want to be with LOSERS LIKE YOU!


BOY: It's OK. I understand. Yeah! Maybe I was just so stupid. Most especially when I swap our test papers during our final examination. Anyway, congratulations and thanks for everything.

LION KING

SIMBA

Cheerful, feisty lion cub Simba "Just Can't Wait to Be King," but with the loss of his dad, Mufasa, his adventures take a new path. Simba flees accusations, guilt and the Pride Land meeting new friends along the way who teach him a worry free philosophy. As Simba grows into adulthood, he discovers that his father's courage and wisdom are a part of him and reclaims his place as the King of the Pride Lands.

NALA

A rambunctious lioness cub ready to go wherever and whenever with her best friend, Simba. As Nala grows up, her spunky cuteness ripens into sleek, tawny beauty, her childlike bravado becomes true courage and her friendship with Simba deepens into love.

TEAR HERE IN MY HEART

I wonder every time I fall in love, heartbreaks came. It makes me ask my self, is there something printed in my heart that reads "TEAR HERE"?

PRUSISYUN

PARI: Ang mga lalaki sunod sa karo ni San Jose. Ang mga babae sa karo ni Mama Mary.


BAKLA: eh, kami father? Saan kami susunod?


PARI: Mga bruha! Follow me! Sa gitna tayo para mas bongga!

QUOTES FOR DRUNKERS

Every time I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look at the beer and think of the workers in beer factory. If I don't drink, they'll be jobless.                                                                                                          --

CEBU, BOHOL AND MANILA

Sa barko:

Tinapun ng taga Bohol ang kanyang cellphone sa dagat.

CEBU: Naku! Bakit mo tinapun yung cellphone mo sa dagat? Sayang yun.

BOHOL: OK lang yun. maraming cellphone sa Bohol.

Lumapit ang taga Manila at tinapun ang kanyang Laptop.

CEBU: Naku! Sayang yung Laptop mo. Bakit mo itinapun?

MANILA: It's OK. We have lots of Laptops in Manila.

Nakatunganga ang taga Cebu dahil wala siyang maipagmayabang nang may lumapit na isang napaka gandang babae. Kanya agad itong inihulog sa dagat. Na shock lahat ng tao sa paligid.

LAHAT NG TAO: [napasigaw] NAKU! BAKIT MO INIHULOG YUNG BABAE SA DAGAT?

CEBU: It's just fine. Maraming magagandang babae sa Cebu.

REASON WHY DO CHILDREN DROP THEIR SCHOOLING

Mother: WHAT?! You've got another low grade? Why don't you follow Peter? Always got honors!
--Son: You're so unfair comparing me to that Peter! 

--

Mother: And why am I being unfair?! Huh?!

--

Son: Because his mother is so bright. Not like mine!

--

Mother:  ???

--

NBA FINALS

Alam mo? Para kang NBA Finals!


Kasi maDALLAS kitang isipin kahit MAIMI akong ginagawa.

!!!!!.....ISTURYAHHHEEEEEEEE.....!!!!!

WAY OF SAYING GOODBYE

If your boyfriend or girlfriend will leave you because he or she has another one, don't be sad nor cry. Just hug him or her tight and whisper his or her ear, "Can we have sex for the last time?" LOL

:-)

:-D

:-)

WHY DO SOME GUYS WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR GIRLFRIEND?

--

Why do some guys want to taste their girl before asking marriage? It's because "it pays to check the label". Who knows, that girl already expired.
---

SCENE AT DISCO BAR

ni sulirap ang kalimutaw...

This photo is edited. And this shows what's inside of a disco bar.

courtesy of penzion olymp for the background.

BUNTIS SI MARE

Mare-1:  Mare, dito muna ako titira sa inyo. Lumayas kasi ako sa bahay namin kasi buntis ako.


Mare-2:  Hah?! Dapat doon ka tumira sa bahay ng lalaking nakabuntis sa'yo.


Mare-1:  Kaya nga dito muna ako titira sa inyo. Andiyan ba si pare? Kailangan niya malaman to.


Mare-2: ( hinimatay )

LIGAW NA BALA

Boy:  Alam mo? Para kang ligaw na bala.


Girl:  at bakit?


Boy:  Kasi sa iba ka nakalaan pero ako ang tinamaan.

REASON OF WEARING GLOVES

Nurse:  Doc, why do we need to wear our gloves every time we have surgery operations?


Doctor:  Wearing those gloves were really important. Because if ever our patients will die, we don't have finger-prints on them. Understand?


Nurse:  Yes, Doc!

NAKED GIRL

A naked girl rode a taxi and the driver was staring at her.


Girl:  Why are you staring at me like that? Is this the first time you watch a naked girl?


Driver:  Nope. Your naked body makes me think where could you possibly kept your money since you're not carrying anything?

Where could it be? Do you have any idea?

EKSENA SA JEEP

Girl:  Nong, bayad.


Driver: Pila ning 50 day?


Girl:  1 kuya! Estudyante, nursing, cebu doc, bag-ong SAKAY.


Boy: (nahambugan nibayad ug 500) nong, bayad!


Driver:  (nasuko) peste, pila man ning 500?!


Boy:  1 nong, keep the change! Seaman, bag-ong ABOT!


Buang:  (nikatawa ug nitunol ug 1000) nong bayad hehehe


Driver:  (suko kaayo) peste pila man ni?!


Buang:  3, apila ang nurse ug seaman. Keep the change! Buang, mental gikan. Bag-ong GAWAS!

STRONG PEOPLE

Strong people know how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm OK" with a smile.

BURNING HOUSE

Nanay: Naku! Anak! Lumabas ka riyan sa kwarto at nasusunog ang bahay natin!


Anak:  Waahh!!! Sandali lang nay! Ipopost ko lang sa FB.


Nanay:  Bilisan mo! Buksa mo rin account ko at i-share mo rin.


Anak: Tapos na nay. Daming nag like!


Nanay:  Shit! Sabihin mo nalang AFK & BRB

KNOW ME

   Know me and you will know the real me.

EFFECTS OF TOO MUCH LOVE

HEART: mahal ko talaga siya..


BRAIN: alam ko, subra pa nga diba?


HEART: alam mo pala,bakit pilit mo pa siyang kinakalimutan?


BRAIN: kasi ayaw na kitang masaktan.


STOMACH: sa subra mong pagmamahal,di ka na kumakain.


EYES: pati ako napupuyat na..


LIVER: korek, palagi ka pang umiinum, naaapektuhan na kami ni kidney.


LUNGS: ako rin nahihirapan ng huminga.


HEART: pasinsiya na guys ha...ito talaga functi0n ko eh, ANG MAGMAHAL..

LECHON

According to scientific research, hindi talaga tutuo na ang taba at balat ng lechon ang makaka high blood.
Kung hindi ang mga yun, eh, anong parte ng lechon ang makaka high blood? Ang sagut: yung BUTO.


Why? 


Eh ikaw ba pag buto nalang ng lechon ang naiwan sa hapag kainan hindi ka maha-high blood?

COLORS OF BANANA

Teacher: Juan, what are the different colors of banana?


Juan: Green, yellow, red and brown ma'am!


Teacher: Gago! Naa ba diay brown na saging?!


Juan: Hala! Hala! Bogo lage ka! Ang nilung-ag diay, peke na? Ang utol ma'am hah, atimana!

KETCHUP

Boy: Miss, ketchup ka? 


Girl: unsa naman pud na na kakornehan? 


Boy: Gipangaita naman gud ka sa akong hotdog.


.....estoryahhhhhhhhheeeeeeeee.....

EX-GIRLFRIEND

Mag-X nagkasabay sa elevator.


Boy: Excuse me, anung oras na?


Girl: Ewan ko. Kita mong wala akong relo


Boy: Bakit wala? Diba 2-timer ka?

TOO MUCH LOVE

A boy took a knife and start writing his girlfriend's name on his arm.
Several minutes later, he started crying like crazy...


WHY?


...Wrong Spelling... LOL :-)

DIABETIC

"I don't care dying as diabetic. Just stay sweet on me."